New Year Resolutions or Prayer Requests? #My2016

It’s a new year! Oh, yes, 2016 is already a week down. So I am pretty sure many of you have over heard statements wishing you a happy one. So, I will not go into that. But even then, to each one of you that will set your eyes on this article, blessings be upon you in 2016! May the new year be new! To me, 2015 came along with its own style of things, and left me with a long list of lessons learnt; some painful, and some with really good memories attached to them. As a custom towards the close of any year every year, when a friend asked what my new year resolutions were, I told her this time I had mine summarized into just two words,…”BE HAPPY. the rest of them will be prayer requests.”

Sounds kinda achievable right?  Yeah, that’s what I thought too. :)

So, for a change I didn’t make any new year resolutions. Not like I haven’t thought of those. I only decided not to. I have actually made a couple of those in the past but I didn’t seem to move my feet even any close to getting them done. Until reality hit that I should instead switch from focusing on “getting them done” to actually “what I need to get them done”. And I will probably leave it at that and just…watch the space.

Now I know for some people it may sound so unreal, but in the space of time, I have seen things getting done long after my own efforts (even as much as I really gave them the best of my all) have given up on me. Oh, yes I have! The same experience  brought me to another level of acknowledging a stronger power that can take care of things as I sit back and swing in my ‘sometimes imaginary rocking chair‘. And the best thing about this power is that everything falls in place in its due time. After all, life is not an emergency…well, because I know some one may want to out-reason me on this, I will add, …in my world. This one is not up for debate my friend.

So, yes, often times we ought to leave the big guy up there (read ‘God’) do his mix, while the rest of us watch and wait. Because nothing beats that at pay-off time.  And that’s  what is up in 2016.

I don’t know about you and your new year, but as for me and #My2016, we ought to do the needful, and then wait as everything takes its place.

Happy new year folks!

About Life and Its Natural Death

Sometimes when I look at life and the transitions I have gone through already, I literally weep for the beloved original little stuff that have faded away completely, along with those that are getting wiped off the scene at ‘lightening speed’. Most of the times I forget that life has more to it than transformations, and in due process, I lose out on some of the meaningful stuff that used to add meaning to life.

At many occasions, I have tried to throw a flashlight to what life actually used to be like before this modernity “madness” was ushered in. If you do the same, you will realize that there was something real about living and life before the era of internet, the fuss of flashy phones,cars,  the computer era and all the likes. Well, many of us prefer to call it ancient or even to make it too ugly; fake, outdated, and all such names, but on second thought, I have come to realize and appreciate  the reality it comes along with. It’s a good thing that I don’t believe in doing something because everyone else is on board.

Think about this. Just before all this craziness jetted in, we had  apps called bonding, family time. Making friends was the real thing;  be it on a  bus travelling somewhere, or on street surrounded by strange faces and family time wasn’t as expensive to afford. Its strange the way all this went with the wind, because lately, everyone seems too busy, being nurtured only by technology and its vices. Some of us have even taken an extra mile of incurring a double fare of a trip simply because while we were lost in the world of browsers, Twitter, Whatsapp and the likes, we have gone past that junction we were supposed to alight or take a turn. It has gone to an extent of e-meetings, erasing even the one opportunity that was left standing for people to physically meet and interact; forums have been created for purposes of business meetings, wedding meetings and anything you could think about. Make no mistake to think that these people probably live in worlds apart and its in the interest of time that they chose the avenues. No! It must be a vice running in all fresh blood in this generation. By the way this doesn’t mean that I stopped valuing time…I do! but not at a cost of certain things that make up real life.

The sad news is that many of us don’t want to merely imagine what life would be like without internet,and we feel totally helpless in such moments as when we cannot access it. We are blinded with all this that we miss out on the real touch of life, all in the name of catching up with the pace of development.We have decided to live life like a set of robots.

That’s the sole reason why in this post, I have chosen to celebrate certain moments. Those moments when I have decided to take on those things as simple as taking a walk along the beautiful streets in Kigali instead of rushing with speedy vehicles like I am about to save a life, sending someone a hand-written letter instead of an email, as well as constantly reminding my poor head that there is more to  life  than solely depending on whether my phone battery is still up and helping or not. And in such moments, life usually regains its meaning.

As I mourn such moments in my other life, I have also mastered the art of mourning by enjoying what remains of them before it all vanishes. After-all, we only live once in this life, so why rush it like I am only taking a look around and I expect to pass-by again?? Or why the loyalty to routine as if I received a manual to how I am supposed to live life? After all, at the end of the day, “life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”

The Weekend That Was…

Wind blowing heavily,giving way to a gentle breeze,and all leaves dancing along the rhythm,decorating the place with different colors,creating a beautiful scenery,fulfilling to the eye. The way the street lights light up the entire place is just like love itself.

And as we drive through the upcountry highway, James Brown’s “I feel good” is playing along(only in my head, the real playlist was gospel songs that my mind has still failed to recollect ). By this time, it feels like only I, know the awesomeness of the feeling even minutes away from the horrible sight of traffic jam,vehicle emissions and congestion of both humans and  the vehicles bring along…Its like a whole new world. Yeah,that’s the feeling.
And yours truly is just having a blast of the serenity. And all this time, all I am doing is  wonder if this feeling would stay for a while..well, at least in my mind. The gentle breeze during day,and the sounds of birds singing are little things that my congested mind had craved for a while now. To spice it all up is a bunch of all beautiful minds. Some of these fellows,through silence, and others through the rib-cracking ‘noise’ all made my trip worthwhile.

When was the last time you had a minute for such simple things as sun-bathing, lying on your back to gaze at the stars, watch the clouds take their time to move; sometimes forming shape that is familiar to your mind, you know,the things that many of you last did during childhood. Trust me it takes moving one’s feet to the upcountry to enjoy these things;they don’t just happen in our Kigali,or in any city for that matter. And if I must say, those are the little things that decorated my life during the weekend.

I love community work. Nothing is appeasing to the heart as knowing that I have been a part of an activity that left the direct beneficiaries with a smile, the very same reason that keeps me suck to the noble rotary family. Most of those smiles cost so dearly, one doesn’t just get there. So I spent my entire weekend with a  bunch of cool guys from my church in an outreach mission. The activities stretched from constructing houses at the church grounds in the Eastern province. While everyone worked to the maximum, it was a nice thing watching the boys do their thing, while at the same time boosting their own morale; it was both motivating to them and entertaining to the onlooker. If it wasn’t for this, I don’t think they would have got to the finish line…not like they though so either.

To spice the whole long day up, we all end up treated to a bonfire setting for an evening. Everyone here, none spared ended up lost in a whole world of laughter. And for a difference, we all wake up to a freezing cold early morning, just like in the late nights. You know that kind of freezing that makes you freak out on a morning shower? Yeah,that. But no doubt,someone had to brave through and catch up with the morning service. By the time we winded off the trip, every single soul was moved by the hospitality and nice people around.

And then my conclusion was none other than; because such moments bring back life to me, I should do this more often. But don’t hold me to my word this time. I have said lots of such statements after an awesome time, and then life’s nothings swallow my time up, only to realize after a while. But until then, I will be stuck with this memory.

People always leave

(.)

Cristian Mihai

tumblr_static_a47ee9r7er4s8w8s4oc88w400The truth of the matter is that people always leave. Whether we want it or not. Whether they want it or not. Something happens and they are lost to us forever.

And then what remains is their memory. The image we have created inside our heads. A grey skin covers what we felt for them and can no longer feel.

To paraphrase John Green, you can never love someone as much as you can miss them. It is true. And there’s nothing more unbearable than the realization that you can hope all you want for someone to come back and they will never come back, because they never really existed.

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On God and friends

Wow!
I usually read like reading your work but if I must say, this another one of the best pieces I have read from you. And the post kinda makes two of us! My very opinion about that too, I couldn’t agree more. Well thought of Kris! Allow me reblog.

The Chronicles of a Third World Elite

A few days ago I was having a sort of existential crisis. I had a few things troubling my mind. Nothing particularly bad had happened; it was just a phase I was going through. The people whom I usually talk to when I’m going through these typa moods haven’t been quite available to talk to lately. And besides, I know exactly how they would have tried to reason me: uriko urifyinisha, you should learn to appreciate what you have in your life, blablabla… so I was happy to sulk all by myself.

The moments that I got to reflect on the things that were bothering me had me thinking about the people I have in my life. Those people I decided could be part of it, not those who are tied to it from the beginning of times until forever and ever aka family. I’m talking about my friends.
I’m not…

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A happy New Yeaaaaar – 2015!

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Today is a new day! A day that brings us to the beginning of the end of another year’s journey. And to the start of yet a new journey. As I sit beckoning on the ups and downs that 2014 brought my way, I must admit it wasn’t a very easy year for me.  But now that I have only hours to go for this year to come to an end, I can’t sit back and watch them all go by before I mention a thing or two. 2014 has been full of both ups and downs but in the due process, there are no regrets, after all there was no holding back. So, I only thank God that I have made it through alive.

The good thing with life is that it’s what you make it. So I chose to appreciate the nice moments that it left stamped on my life; those took my breath away. If I was to take note of a few highlights, there were some exciting moments for me though  the year, and these kept my spirits at sky level. I have met new amazing people, discovered much more about myself; moved a step closer towards where my eyes are pinnedIf I had my way, I would probably make those stay, or recycle them back through 2015, but I don’t have to, thanks to memory. Because after I have erased all the trash, I am sure those will stay for a life.

And for those that left me a little challenged, trust me as it all went down, I was wondering who keeps moving the end whenever I try to make two ends meet.  I was a little mad at them, because they kept taking me off track my once stated “new year resolutions”. I was so lost with those that I almost forgot to open my eyes to what was available.  But once I started recognizing the open doors they left behind, I appreciated them too. Well, at least for the fact that they showed me how strong I can be. After all, nothing happens without a reason and like I always say to selef, “What won’t kill me will only leave me stronger.”

So believing that nothing I have been through has been put to a waste, I say, Good riddance to those moments in 2014, along with the reasons they showed up. But then again, thanks to them, because they opened my eyes to the reality that there’s more to life than it presents for a single day.

Mark Twain once said that the 2 most important days in one’s life are the day s/he’s born and the day s/he discovered why. In my efforts to find out the why, I found out a few “whatswhoshows and wheres”. 

And the answers were note-worthy. So as for now, I too look up to the tomorrows, holding every moment as it sways by.

And, as I usher in 2015, I will toast to new beginnings, a new me, in a new life with new hopes.

Meanwhile, as I do that, I would like to wish everyone of you a very happy new year of great health and success to you’ll. Thank you for making my 2014 worthwhile, for pushing me on, for being a part of my life then. May 2015 take you’ll to greater heights!

And for my blog readers here, thank you for walking with me through 2014 and all the other past years. Looking forward for better stuff in 2015.

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Letter to Heaven ~ You were absolutely the very best.

Dear Dad,

I really don’t remember the last time I wrote you a letter. But at least I am glad that I ever wrote you one, that one that was delivered by Mum from school. I had just started my first year of high school. I was only sure that you loved reading, just like you loved writing, and you loved reading that letter. Frankly, I can’t even remember what I wrote, but am so sure that whatever came in there was straight from a heart that truly loved you.

Oh, how I wish I could trace it!

So, I thought I would write you another one, this time I will send it with the parcel that will go direct to heaven. Unfortunately,  I know you won’t read this, but I have a feeling you will still understand, somehow you will feel the words, you will definitely feel the love.  Well, since  you left, I have grown, we all have grown up.  I lately admire the kind of person I have become, am quite sure you would be more than proud, even if you could probably say it after so long…I still know.

Today is my very first time to do such a thing, write anything about your life (it has not been as easy)  but am only grateful that I braved through. For the past years, I only tried but could never find the words. But I want you to know that just because I didn’t do it earlier, or that I don’t do it so often, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you…No! I do, I even miss you so much, but just that the thought of the plain truth would not let me bear the reality, or even write about it. After this, I will probably write many more of these.

Oh, how time flies! I can’t imagine its 4-years already!! Four years! It only feels like it was yesterday.

I remember everything like it was only yesterday, the days we used to have you with us. Especially the stories at dinner that would be filled with a certain sense of humor. I still remember how you used to pause a little or even give up the story once any of us interrupt you with a question. And the way you would just leave us in suspense until another day. It was not until when we learnt the secret, listening to the end of the story, and then maybe burst out into a heavy laughter later.Surprisingly, it could keep happening, even after we many times of missing out on killer stories.

I still remember how we used to wait on your home-coming every Friday evening, because we could only get to see you during weekends, I would not forget that we could just keep waiting, with all the hope that you would still come home. I mean we had no phones then, but we could still not lose hope that you would not turn up on every other weekend. And you would never disappoint.

I still remember the brief talks we always had before we left for school, each beginning of the academic term, and each of these times, you never really ceased to remind us “never to forget where we come from.” I still hold on to that, because if I forgot where I came from, then I would possibly not figure out where I am heading to either. I still remember those days when I prepared your favorite meals, and your smile before  you said “Thank you”said it all,..Yes, it was that rare. I learnt but a thing from you; to always say what I mean and mean what I say. I still hold on to this, and that you always stayed true to your word. Well, I do too…Thanks to you.

I still remember how you would watch Mum in awe during her regular “drama scenes”…(God I hope she never gets to read this article, in anyway…otherwise it would just turn out just like that little note I wrote during one of the nights I was supposed to be reading my books..But who tells a Primary kid to sit up until 10 pm reading books anyway???)  I still remember the faint smiles that could run  cross your face as you could watch her sway from one place to another, probably talking about something that we did wrong or something that we moved. We could all wonder what would be running through your mind, because you could seldom speak out. Sometimes she could be doing something as simple as supervising us “read”.

I still remember that Christmas day, that seemed so somber for us simply because we slept just a little longer than usual and she was up before any of us. And when you woke up after the drama had started, I still remember you wishing us a Merry Christmas, and Queen asking you if we could really have it “merry” with such morning moods home…As if you could even answer that! You just shook your head silently and moved (probably wondering what had got into Queen’s head this time).

I could write a book, if I was to bring out all the moments, but at this point, I will solicit some help. Sure, I am not the only one who remembers.

Well, I must say, it’s usually a little hard, getting home and the first thought is, I won’t see you; am sure I could share this with somebody else though. There are memories  of you just waiting in your room,and  the thought of not finding you home again still gives me disturbing moments, but grateful for the power to gradually brave through it. There is also that thought that when I bang whatever I get my hands on, that I am disturbing your afternoon nap…thank God the weight of this is fading with time though.

From the life God allowed us share with you, now I know, if I am to honestly ask myself  which people  in my life mean the most to me, I often find that it’s those who, instead of giving so much advice, solutions or cures or even big chunks of money, have chosen rather to share my pain and touch my wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The kind of friends who can be silent with me in a moment of despair or confusion,who can stay in both happy moments and hours of grief,who can face with me the realities of life…the friends who care without a benefit. Those that may not even promise to stay, but I am sure they will,and I count on them whenever. I must thank you for that lesson, because that’s how you did it.

I am sorry for all the times I was a pain but I hope  the good times outweighed the bad tenfold. And I hope you are resting peacefully from all the pain and hurt you were going through the last days I saw you.It was so hard, to see you through it all, yet I could not help a lot. Painful memories…but when I think of the pain you were going through in your last days, I want to think  that it was the best you needed. Just to let you know, in the course of time, when I miss you, I have learnt to let myself cry, cry it off until it feels like ‘better’, and then wipe my eyes and smile over the so many memories with you.

Cancer shows no concern at all for anyone… It’s only up to us to keep those lost to the disease alive in our thoughts and hearts. You were ready to go, the rest of us were simply not ready to let you. But as for now, we refuse to hold on to that, we shall celebrate a full life you lived.

You were without doubt, the absolute best.

May your soul rest in peace forever Dad.

 

Daughter, Norryn.