Letter to Heaven ~ You were absolutely the very best.

Dear Dad,

I really don’t remember the last time I wrote you a letter. But at least I am glad that I ever wrote you one, that one that was delivered by Mum from school. I had just started my first year of high school. I was only sure that you loved reading, just like you loved writing, and you loved reading that letter. Frankly, I can’t even remember what I wrote, but am so sure that whatever came in there was straight from a heart that truly loved you.

Oh, how I wish I could trace it!

So, I thought I would write you another one, this time I will send it with the parcel that will go direct to heaven. Unfortunately,  I know you won’t read this, but I have a feeling you will still understand, somehow you will feel the words, you will definitely feel the love.  Well, since  you left, I have grown, we all have grown up.  I lately admire the kind of person I have become, am quite sure you would be more than proud, even if you could probably say it after so long…I still know.

Today is my very first time to do such a thing, write anything about your life (it has not been as easy)  but am only grateful that I braved through. For the past years, I only tried but could never find the words. But I want you to know that just because I didn’t do it earlier, or that I don’t do it so often, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you…No! I do, I even miss you so much, but just that the thought of the plain truth would not let me bear the reality, or even write about it. After this, I will probably write many more of these.

Oh, how time flies! I can’t imagine its 4-years already!! Four years! It only feels like it was yesterday.

I remember everything like it was only yesterday, the days we used to have you with us. Especially the stories at dinner that would be filled with a certain sense of humor. I still remember how you used to pause a little or even give up the story once any of us interrupt you with a question. And the way you would just leave us in suspense until another day. It was not until when we learnt the secret, listening to the end of the story, and then maybe burst out into a heavy laughter later.Surprisingly, it could keep happening, even after we many times of missing out on killer stories.

I still remember how we used to wait on your home-coming every Friday evening, because we could only get to see you during weekends, I would not forget that we could just keep waiting, with all the hope that you would still come home. I mean we had no phones then, but we could still not lose hope that you would not turn up on every other weekend. And you would never disappoint.

I still remember the brief talks we always had before we left for school, each beginning of the academic term, and each of these times, you never really ceased to remind us “never to forget where we come from.” I still hold on to that, because if I forgot where I came from, then I would possibly not figure out where I am heading to either. I still remember those days when I prepared your favorite meals, and your smile before  you said “Thank you”said it all,..Yes, it was that rare. I learnt but a thing from you; to always say what I mean and mean what I say. I still hold on to this, and that you always stayed true to your word. Well, I do too…Thanks to you.

I still remember how you would watch Mum in awe during her regular “drama scenes”…(God I hope she never gets to read this article, in anyway…otherwise it would just turn out just like that little note I wrote during one of the nights I was supposed to be reading my books..But who tells a Primary kid to sit up until 10 pm reading books anyway???)  I still remember the faint smiles that could run  cross your face as you could watch her sway from one place to another, probably talking about something that we did wrong or something that we moved. We could all wonder what would be running through your mind, because you could seldom speak out. Sometimes she could be doing something as simple as supervising us “read”.

I still remember that Christmas day, that seemed so somber for us simply because we slept just a little longer than usual and she was up before any of us. And when you woke up after the drama had started, I still remember you wishing us a Merry Christmas, and Queen asking you if we could really have it “merry” with such morning moods home…As if you could even answer that! You just shook your head silently and moved (probably wondering what had got into Queen’s head this time).

I could write a book, if I was to bring out all the moments, but at this point, I will solicit some help. Sure, I am not the only one who remembers.

Well, I must say, it’s usually a little hard, getting home and the first thought is, I won’t see you; am sure I could share this with somebody else though. There are memories  of you just waiting in your room,and  the thought of not finding you home again still gives me disturbing moments, but grateful for the power to gradually brave through it. There is also that thought that when I bang whatever I get my hands on, that I am disturbing your afternoon nap…thank God the weight of this is fading with time though.

From the life God allowed us share with you, now I know, if I am to honestly ask myself  which people  in my life mean the most to me, I often find that it’s those who, instead of giving so much advice, solutions or cures or even big chunks of money, have chosen rather to share my pain and touch my wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The kind of friends who can be silent with me in a moment of despair or confusion,who can stay in both happy moments and hours of grief,who can face with me the realities of life…the friends who care without a benefit. Those that may not even promise to stay, but I am sure they will,and I count on them whenever. I must thank you for that lesson, because that’s how you did it.

I am sorry for all the times I was a pain but I hope  the good times outweighed the bad tenfold. And I hope you are resting peacefully from all the pain and hurt you were going through the last days I saw you.It was so hard, to see you through it all, yet I could not help a lot. Painful memories…but when I think of the pain you were going through in your last days, I want to think  that it was the best you needed. Just to let you know, in the course of time, when I miss you, I have learnt to let myself cry, cry it off until it feels like ‘better’, and then wipe my eyes and smile over the so many memories with you.

Cancer shows no concern at all for anyone… It’s only up to us to keep those lost to the disease alive in our thoughts and hearts. You were ready to go, the rest of us were simply not ready to let you. But as for now, we refuse to hold on to that, we shall celebrate a full life you lived.

You were without doubt, the absolute best.

May your soul rest in peace forever Dad.

 

Daughter, Norryn.

 

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Norryn

Strongly believe in the power of words. And once written down, they create a legacy. Living mine!

17 thoughts on “Letter to Heaven ~ You were absolutely the very best.”

  1. gosh this just made me so emotional. thanks for putting it the best way. I miss dad.it never goes away but I am glad I got to spend a few years with him. Rest in peace dad.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. wow! yo words make me wish I could have a daughter like you coz my dad aint that example i can ponder these words for. I wish he was here to read this buh good enough though he might not get the letter, he will understand.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear Norryn, I read your blog (almost every post) but I never comment. This time is different. This time I cannot resist. Thank you for sharing the memories of your Dad. Very well written too.

    Truth is that your post sent me many years back. You see, I too lost my Dad in 2003. Just like your Dad, he was the quiet type. Never raised his voice to anyone. Never even punished anyone. He never even fell sick. We never even had time to say goodbye. He got a stroke one night and died. Just like that. Many thought he had been killed. But the painful truth is that stroke took his life.

    So when I read your blog, I could relate. I can see a young girl trying to manage when her hero is gone. I can only imagine how hard it was for all of you (Queen, Tiana,you and Stella). Like you said, you believe your dad will understand the letter. I agree with you. I just know he did.

    Lastly, I always light 3 candles for the dead every time I go to church (one for my Dad, one for my mom – she too died in 2010 of diabetes and one for all the poor souls in purgatory). I always ask God to pardon them and allow them into paradise. Lighting of candles for the dead is an old catholic tradition. We Catholics believe in purgatory (a place where souls go before they are allowed into heaven).

    I will henceforth always light 4 candles. One for my dad, one for my mom, one for your Dad and one for the poor all the souls in purgatory. I light the candles once a week (especially during the Saturday mass). Always know Norryn your Dad is happy of the young lady that you have become. Responsible. Committed. Determined. Hard working. Loving. Jolly. But most of all a writer. This piece confirms that. Adieu.
    Cheers!
    Kazooba Ka’Nyamuhanga Kaheru

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow! Thank you..
      That’s very kind of you, lighting a candle for him too. In my heart is one other candle for him that never burns out too. Plus, that was very encouraging conclusion. Thank you for keeping up with my blog entries as well, I appreciate.

      I am so sorry for your parents, trust me I tend to get a little speechless, especially with the details of the loss. But at least I know how deep that pinch goes, only I believe they are both in a better place, esp Mum who went through pain. Let their light continue to shine through you. (may they rest in peace).

      We are in this together, with anyone else that could relate.
      Bless you.

      Like

  3. Wow…a great piece of work here. Reminiscing such days must keep you strong and working harder. I never knew you then, but in you i see the kind of man he was. Always a pleasure for a child to appreciate a father- there’s too much sacrifice there that gets lost from us. I thank you Norryn.

    Liked by 1 person

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